Hope Filled Eyes

The spark of my passion for medical missions has amplified over the last year. My heart burns to use my vocation as a route to introduce my Lord and Savior to those who have not yet heard of his splendor. I am encompassed with this urge to go beyond the boundaries of the states and promote the glory of God. I enjoy the thrill of knowing that He has plans for my life and that I have no idea where I will be five or ten years down the road.

I was blessed with the opportunity to spend a week in Guatemala this month. Despite the responsibilities I have in regards to school, I was able to escape the hustle and bustle of America and take time to use my passion for nursing to spread the love of the Lord. The adventure began bright and early on a Saturday morning with my fellow nursing students--Lauren and Kasey. We all carpooled to Little Rock in order to catch our 6 am flight out of the country. The excitement rose as reality began to sink in: we were on our way to fly out of the country and share the Lord with our patients. 

Flying is a concept that continues to amaze me. I thoroughly enjoy the view of God's wonderful creation. The sky is so beautiful and captivating. I love when the horizon is skewed from the blue waters and adjacent sky as they become one. Then there's the clouds that add a colorful contrast as the sun casts shadows on the waters. A few hours later we were walking the jetway into the warm weather of Guatemala City, Guatemala. I took a deep breath and let the heat expand my lungs and fill them with the sweet scent of non-airplane-circulated air. 

Time slipped by, reunions came and went, and soon enough we were on a bus headed toward Clinica Ezell. New faces became new friends. As we arrived at the clinic grounds, we were welcomed with various individuals smiling and waving in our direction. Little did I know that these faces would bring me laughter as well as tears. One lady on the bus said, "Look at those kids. Do you know what that look is? ... It is the look of hope and THAT is what we are here to try and fulfill."A tear slipped out of my eye, down my cheek, and into my lap. Then I said this prayer:

Lord, help us share your love to these people. Help us bring them fulfillment to the anticipated hope that is screaming from within their beautiful eyes. These are my brothers and sisters in Christ. Show me their pain and let me use the gifts that you have given me to ease that pain.  Help us touch their lives by portraying your Light.

Last day at Chimala

I could not have put the last day at chimala in better words than my dear friend Allison. Below are the words that poured from her heart onto paper as the reality of our departure drew closer by the minute. Today was the last day at the mission, and I must say that I feel as though my heart has grown larger over the past month. I never knew I could have so much love for people that I never really even has a real conversation with. I woke up this morning to go to church, who have so much love and trust in us, but have I ever has a conversation with them? No. "kidogo Swahili." standing around in a giant circle after shaking over a hundred hands my heart just feels like it could burst. It is one of the best feelings ever, and to think that God loves each and every one of us!  We then sent the afternoon preparing fr goodbyes, writing out what we wanted to say on a card for each ears and a card for the patients we have grown to love. I the cards we expressed our love for them and God's love for them, each with a Bible verse, Phil 1:2-3 and Romans 15:13. Meghan and I then took the notes scribbled on notebook paper down to the hospital to get someone to translate it for us into Swahili so we could then transfer it onto nice cards. But before we went down to do that we stuffed my backpack with goodies that we wanted to give our friends. We walked into female ward first and went straight to Nazifa who had her mama at the bedside. We pulled out a five star notebook and a pack of fragile markers and her face lit up. Considering she hasnt smiled much since we took her for her past few dressing changes. This warmed my heart. Meghan then pulled out a kitenge and laid it on her, it was the green Tanzanian leaf one. Her and her mother repeatedly gave thanks. We then whipped out the peanut butter crackers, which I had a lot of. I gave some to Nazifa an then headed over to Bibi's bed to give her some, considering she was always asking for something to eat. She then, like every other day, patted the area of the bed next to her, encouraged me to sit there and then hug her. I wonder if this woman would be just as silly and goofy in English as she seems in Swahili. We said goodbye but knew we would be back later for our last goodbye. Meghan gave one more kite he for Malale's mama but we had no clue how to get it to her without the other mothers asking and wanting gifts. To our surprise and the Lord's will we ran into mama Malale outside of peds ward with no one else around. Meghan presented the "zawadi" (gift) to her and she was ever so thankful. We then continued on into male ward, where 2 of my favorite boys are. As jeremia heard our voices and knew that we were coming he covered his face to hide, just like he always does, and like I always do, I walked up to his bed, pulled the covers back, to reveal that sweet mischievous smile. Meghan and I got our daily high fives in and then dug into my backpack for some zawadis. I gave jeremia a moleskin notebook, just like the one I had given Odakis earlier. Then I took out my bag of pens and began dividing them up between the 2 boys and their smiles grew bigger with each pen of a different color. Odakis immediately began testing them out on his notepad. We gave the 2 boys some peanut butter crackers. I never knew you could make one peanut butter cracker last for 10 minutes, but somehow jeremia made it happen. We left the hospital knowing we would return later that evening for our last goodbyes. We spent the next couple of hours writing out cards as our list of patients we wanted to give them to kept growing. After evening church and dinner at the Stinsons, all 7 of us students went down to the hospital--headlamps on and notecards in hand. We went to OB first where we gave a card to the family of the most recent eclamptic patient. Their repeated thanks was very humbling. Next was female ward. We walked in to see all of the mosquito nets up, but through the nets we saw Nazifa's smile. We gave her the card and without even knowing what it was or what it said she clung it close to her heart and smiled. We gave Bibi a card and she had each one of us take a turn at sitting down on the bed next to her, giving her a hug, and then doing the snap handshake, where she then either gives you an approving or disapproving look based On how well your snap sounded. There is a lady in the back corner of female ward who has some second degree burns. She has always made a point to say hello to us so we gave her a note as well, along with a skirt from Meghan. She too gave repeated thanks. Meghan had a pair of white vans that she wanted to give to someone. She saw a barefoot lady and asked, "think she has size 7 feet?" with hopes of the shoe fitting Meghan gave them to her and a smile of thanks spread across her face. Meghan and I then gave our last hug to Bibi and then reached our heads into Nazifa's mosquito net to kiss her on the forehead . She said "kesho" which translates to "tomorrow" which is what we tell her ever day that we see her. To hear her say this just broke my heart and I left the ward hoping and praying that she lives a good life an knows God. After a quick stop in pediatrics we went to make ward where I knew I would have to say goodbye to the two sweetest boys. They were just getting tucked into their bed by their mothers and their nets were almost around them when we all came in for our high fives. We gave a note to jeremia, Odakis, and Ezekiel's mama and spent time getting our last goodbyes, photos, high fives, hugs, and twigas in. Odakis has become a very good balloon animal maker, with the help of Erin and her balloon pump. He had probably made about 7 giraffe (twiga) balloon animals. Meghan and I each got a hug from jeremia, which is a lot better than all the other times he has tried to bite or scratch us for fun because he thinks it is funny. With tears in our eyes we finally pulled ourselves away and walked out of male ward to find Nazifa's mom who had come to find us and thank us. She is a very beautiful woman and I love that I got to spend some time getting to know her and Nazifa. With last minute pictures and videos of the place we have put our blood, sweat, and tears into for the last month, we pulled ourselves away to make the last walk back to the house from the hospital. With Meghan and Ashli at my side we stopped at the bridge where the best view of the sky is. Looking up at the sky I felt so small, and could feel the greatness of God. The stars seemed to twinkle and all of the troubles of the world seemed to vanish and seem small when you look up to the big open sky and know that there is more to life. I want all of the people here to know that and feel that as well. That is why mission work is so important. You come to love the people, show God's love, let them know God loves them, and to let them know that If you give your life to God, true life awaits them past all life's heartache and trouble. 

New Heaven and a New Earth

^{Isaiah 65:17-24}

¹⁷ “See, I will create
    new heavens and a new earth.
The former things will not be remembered,
    nor will they come to mind.
¹⁸ But be glad and rejoice forever
    in what I will create,
for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight
    and its people a joy.
¹⁹ I will rejoice over Jerusalem
    and take delight in my people;
the sound of weeping and of crying
    will be heard in it no more.

²⁰ “Never again will there be in it
    an infant who lives but a few days,
    or an old man who does not live out his years;
the one who dies at a hundred
    will be thought a mere child;
the one who fails to reach a hundred
    will be considered accursed.
²¹ They will build houses and dwell in them;
    they will plant vineyards and eat their fruit.
²² No longer will they build houses and others live in them,
    or plant and others eat.
For as the days of a tree,
    so will be the days of my people;
my chosen ones will long enjoy
    the work of their hands.
²³ They will not labor in vain,
    nor will they bear children doomed to misfortune;
for they will be a people blessed by the Lord,
    they and their descendants with them.
²⁴ Before they call I will answer;
    while they are still speaking I will hear.

Just for today

On Friday, I got to work on female ward, my favorite ward, with Allison. The morning went well with rounds, Allison and I both had successful IV starts, and Allison got her first urinary catheter successfully. Allison was a joy to work with. Sometimes there are people that you connect with immediately, and Allison is one of those people to me. As the morning progressed forward, we continued our nursing responsibilities—caring for the impoverished with compassion. After lunch, we were obligated to bring Nazifa to a dressing change for her burns. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday is burn dressing day. Our supplies are running short and my heart continues to break as I know her body will never heal to its previous state. As her screaming began to dissipate from the medication, we went about removing her dirty dressings. We removed the gauze that was soaked with her blood and pus, peeling skin away from her body. The gauze peels away, debriding her wounds and bringing fresh, raw skin to exposure of the afternoon air. Her wounds are healing. We know this because the edges are approximating, her wounds are bleeding, and she has no signs or symptoms of infection. As I was scrubbing her raw, bleeding skin, a wave of nausea met my stomach. I kept telling myself over and over again, Meghan you are fine, you have seen much worse than this before. In fact, you have been doing this three times a week for the last three or four weeks. But this feeling deep within my gut would not dissipate. I had to sit down, and Miss Bingham told me they had everything under control and that I could step out into the fresh air. I removed my blood stained gloves and walked outside. I took a deep breath and sat down on the bench outside of minor theatre. In my head I repeated the following words, “I will not get sick, I will not get sick, I will not get sick.” A few minutes later, I overcame my upset stomach and returned to minor theatre. We finished up with Nazifa and brought her back to her bed to rest. The nurses said there was nothing else Allison and I could do so we went to other wards to help as needed. In peds, a nurse asked me to help find a vein on a child needing fluid replacement therapy. After the first failed attempt, a wave of nausea hit again. I walked outside to embrace the breeze, but this time the nausea persisted. Miss Susan insisted I return to the house and she escorted me the entire way. She was very sweet and made sure to keep me steady as I weakly walked to the house. When I got to my room I embraced the coolness of the hard cement bathroom floor. I felt so awful I didn’t even care if the ants crawled over my feet or if the rats came out of the towel cubbord for a visit. All I desired was the coolness the cement floor offered. Unfortunately, the nausea overwhelmed my body and I gave in to the urge to vomit (tapika) the rest of the night. I slept in my top bunk, with my basin by my side. Miss Janice asked if I could stomach some pills, and there was no way I could keep anything down long enough to have therapeutic effects. I resorted to the injection. It’s not many times you can say your teacher has seen your bare bottom or given you an injection. But, this is Africa. The Phenergan burned and I felt a new sympathy for my patients. Soon enough, I was passed out on my bunk. At two am I woke up feeling weak, but better. I somehow managed to climb down my bunk and maneuver a path through the darkenss to the bathroom. I rinsed out my basin and cleaned myself up. Then I returned to the heights of my bunk. As morning dawn began to pour light through the window, I knew I needed to get out of my bed. Today was the day scheduled for us to teach the seventh graders down at the school about HIV/AIDS and sex. There was no way I was going to miss out on this opportunity to teach the young girls about saving themselves for marriage.

The advisors requested us to teach on the topic because many people in the villages have been trying to persuade young children to have sex with them. Many times they offer valuables in return for sex. This is a common problem in the surrounding village because there is a myth that having sex with a virgin will cure you from AIDS. We split the class up with us women teaching the girls, and the men teaching the boys. We emphasized that this is not true, and that you can run away from people who want such things. Kellum began discussing what your body does as your grow and reach puberty. She also described how AIDS can be transmitted from person to person. Then Allison and Erin discussed sex as a gift from God that is only to be opened after one is married, and only to be shared with your husband. Alaina followed with a story from the Bible in Genesis 39 about Joseph and Potiphars wife. She discussed how Joseph wanted to honor God, and remain pure. He denied Potiphar’s wife’s request to sleep with her, and he physically ran from her. She emphasized that they can physically run away from those who want them to have sex with them. Then Anna continued by having a girl read from the Swahili Bible some passages about how your body is the holy temple of God. She talked about keeping the house of God clean and pure. Ashli followed by telling a personal story about a commitment she made with her parents, when she was around their age, to save herself for her husband. I was blessed to end our topic of discussion with a prayer—asking for guidance and strength to remain pure. Our translator did not always understand our English, and we hope and pray that the message got across to the young girls. Our hearts reach out for these young souls to know the truth, and to know that they can remain pure, or start new today and be pure. Before we left, we decided to sing a song for the girls—

            Father God, just for today

            Help me walk your narrow way

            Help me stand, when I might fall

            Give me strength to hear your call

            May my steps be worship

            May my thoughts be praise

            May my words bring honor to your name

As we were gathering our possessions to return home, the girls asked us to teach them the song. We wrote the words on the chalkboard, as well as a paper copy for future reference, and sang the song a few more times, teaching them the words and the tune. Smiles spread across their faces. As we departed the school grounds, all of the girls escorted us. They reached for our hands, and shouted, “Asante, asante sana, asante!” Which means thank you, thank you very much, thank you. When we arrived back at the house, they sang us a song about the flowers and showed us a dance. We took a few last pictures and said our goodbyes. The love that these girls showed us is indescribable. I cannot fathom having so little and being so full of joy. These precious girls are an example to me, and I never want to forget what I have learned from them. You can find joy in the smallest things, and you can brighten someone’s day by a smile and holding their hand. I have learned that I need to be thankful for what I do have, and that I can do anything with Christ who strengthens me.

I overexerted myself this morning, and took a three hour nap. I still had not eaten any food, and attempted my first meal at lunctime. After I got a few crackers down, I could feel the strength returning to my body. It was a downhill battle from here!

Numb

To a medical professional, death can be seen as a failure in practice. Lately, I have come to realize that this is not true. Death is not something in our hands. God is the ultimate healer and he decides when it is time to cease breathing. This week has been overwhelmingly full of death. I am growing numb to the feeling when time of death is called. It is more a “guarding my heart” mechanism. The other night we got a phone call at the house to have someone find an ambu bag and run it down to male ward. Ashli, Amy and I volunteered and rushed to the hospital. When we arrived, Dr. Kent and Dr. Stephen were preforming CPR on the man with pneumocystis pneumonia (PCP). I pushed some epi as well as atropine as the doctors continued CPR. Despite our valiant efforts God chose to answer no to our plea’s. The man never took another breath. He moved on from this world. After he died, the family came in and began preparing his body. We helped remove all of the medical lines, and his mother closed his eyes and mouth. Then we all helped wrap up his body and position him correctly. The wife, now widower, came into the ward and laid on the ground clutching his lifeless body—wailing—grieving his death.

This is only one of the many accounts this week where I was faced with death. We had multiple cesarean sections with depressed babies that never came to. There was a little child, Fred, on peds ward who passed away, Rehema and 18 year old girl, the man with AIDS—and the list goes on and on. It seems like everyday there is at least one death.

One thing remains—the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away.

Grace

What is culturally acceptable? Many times culture varies from one location to another. Imagine there is a thief who has a stealing problem. What type of punishment would be appropriate? To what extreme can you justify vindication.

Today male ward was home to a thief. He was admitted with various injuries from being beaten. Ther was a ruckus outside the hospital and people were vigorously wanting to continue this mans punishment. Many times, thieves are barbequed—in better terms—taken by the community, doused with kerosene, and lit on fire. If the police had not gotten involved, or if it had been dark, the outcome would have surely been as previously stated. I thought someone was pulling my string, but confirmation was quickly established.

God wants us to love everyone—but I cannot honestly say that was my first instinct upon hearing this man’s situation. He was handcuffed to the bed, and I was full of mixed feelings. I wonder if this man had ever experienced unconditional love. What was his childhood like. Did he have a family? What motivated him to become a thief? How does he feel now? Any sense of remorse? But how could he steal, that is so wrong. He deserves punishment. He also is loved by God. And my mind ran in circles…and circles…and circles.

I decided that I would go over and introduce myself and say have a goodnight in Swahili and God be with you. I felt this strong urge to look him in the eyes and say hello. I wonder if anyone has done that yet.

I found out this morning that he had left the hospital without paying his bill. It appears that he has not learned his lesson, and I worry about his soul. The CEO of the Chimala Mission Hospital was talking about how we are a hospital that shows God’s love and we care for those even when others would not. He was not justifying this man’s actions, he was stating that God loves everyone and cares for everyone. We are to follow Christ’s example.

Purpose--the reason you are alive

I don't know where exactly this quote originated from, but it holds dear to my heart. 

Having a rough morning? Place your hand over your heart. Feel that? That's called purpose. You're alive for a reason. Don't give up.

I must remember the purpose behind my work—it is for the Lord. I had a rough morning. When I arrived in OB, there was a little one on the counter in the corner of the room. Anna and I went over to the little girl and did a physical assessment. She was freezing, had a weak heartbeat, had visible retractions, and her lungs sounds were not clear to auscultation. We sought medical attention. The small child was on oxygen via nasal cannula and I picked her up with her bundle of blankets and slid her into my zip up to acquire some of my body heat. Then I shared little one with Anna. The doctor came in and did an assessment on the woman in labor on the table, and determined the need for a cesarean section due to large fetus, increased fetal heart tones, and meconium. I started an IV on her and put in a foley and then Ashli came in to assist with surgery so that Anna could stay with the little one that wasn’t adapting to life outside of her mother. The doctors said it was only a matter of time until little one passed. Ashli and I wheeled mama over to major theatre and prepped her for surgery and then stood by waiting for baby to arrive. I got the opportunity to catch the baby, and I hurried over to place babycakes on the table. We had to perform manual resuscitation, and were successful in our efforts. Christ used our hands to help this baby breath. 

 

This is the OB ward where woman have their babies. The blue bundle on the right is where you place the baby after it is born and work on resuscitation. In this photo, that blue bundle is a bundle of joy that has gone to live with Jesus in heaven. 

When I arrived back in OB, there was a bundle in the corner of the room, and I knew immediately that this precious child had joined Jesus in heaven. Anna was not present, and I walked over to the bundle, just to double check. Sure enough, she had passed on from this world. Death is something that surrounds us on a daily basis, and no matter how many times I deal with death, it is something that you can never prepare for. I don’t even have words for how I felt then, or how I feel now. It’s just a fact of life that I have to accept, and move on with. The most comfort I get is that God is in control. He has blessed me with the ability to see new life come into this world, and he has shown me the sorrow of life passing on from this world. I know that everything works out for the good of those who love him.

The ward got quiet, Anna and I changed sheets, and enjoyed each other’s company. She informed me that she held little girl as she went to see Jesus. This brought a smile to my face, because this baby did not die alone, sitting in the corner of a room. It was in the arms of a wonderful young woman, enjoying the love of her fellow sister in Christ. We continued with our efforts to put fitted sheets in the shape of squares on rectangle beds. Then we folded gauze, which is considered bubblegum of the mind. I enjoy the relaxation of folding the gauze, maybe because I am in control of that situation and it keeps my mind focused on something other than the negative. Anna and I talked, and Miss Patty came in and joined us as well for a little bit. Soon enough it was time to head to lunch.

On the way back after lunch, I was already exhausted. OB, fortunately, was slow. I assisted as needed throughout the wards. After everything was done for the day, we went to enjoy some time with our burn patients. I must say—pop rocks are a big hit. The children, as well as the adults, LOVE the candy. Hands reach out for more and even Bibi wanted some pop rocks. Allison and I spent a good portion of time with Nazifa. She was in a good mood today, and would laugh at us frequently. Allison taught her how to mimic faces and voices. I have not seen a smile so large since I have been in Africa. This precious little girls face will be in my memories for years and years to come.